Ugly like my Mother
by Lucie Brody
Summary: Seth, Summer, Ryan, and Marissa are hanging at the Cohen. There's no AC an everyone is irritable, and it involves into some relivin gof private information. just R and R


Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to us. But we're walking dogs, washing cars, you know, so that might change soon ;) Or not but we sure wish they did.

A/N: So, this collection of stories came about after long hours in journalism, long hours in...oh, who are we kidding, they just came about because we're crazy. Anyway, these are written together by Lucie and SparkingDiamond. You'll just have to bare with us, they're meant to be funny; you have to figure out for yourself when they take place. Anyway, review (damnit) and enjoy!

"Ugly Like My Mother"

Like all summers in New Port, California, the summer that Seth Cohen, Ryan Atwood, Summer Roberts and Marissa Cooper were living through at that very moment was hot. And so, the three kids from Newport and one from Chino were sitting in the pool house behind the Cohen household with all the windows and doors open, which did nothing but let the hot air into the room, seeing as there was no breeze outside.

"I just don't understand," began Seth Cohen, "how is it that we have millions of dollars but can't afford an air conditioner." He was sitting on the couch next to his girlfriend, Summer Roberts, though the heat was forcing a distance between them. That, and Summer's fist when Seth had tried to hang on her, making her hotter then she already was and thus, unaccountable for her actions.

Since no one answered his comment –Ryan and Marissa were too busy staring at each other with sexual interest- Seth turned to look at Summer and offered her what he hoped was a sexy smile. "So, I understand now why your parents named you Summer," the girl in question didn't look very interested, "Because Summer is the hottest season." Ryan and Marissa looked over at him and Marissa raised an eyebrow.

"Ha ha." Summer drawled, deadpan. "We're _not _having sex."

Seth deflated. "It was worth a shot, wasn't it?" He grumbled but Summer had a hard time believing that he had actually put any effort into the pickup line whatsoever.

Ryan looked at Seth and then turned his attention back to Marissa and grabbed the girl by the shoulders, catching her by surprise and kissing her as passionately as he could muster. Not that it took much effort and Marissa returned the kiss, looking ready to do more then that.

But before things could go R-rated, Ryan pulled away and looked over at Seth with a satisfied grin. "I don't even have to speak and I get some play." He grinned.

Seth's face dropped again. "Oh Ryan, you're so sexy, you're such a playboy." He mocked. "You suck; I hate your face, you're ugly like my mother." He snapped.

Unknown to Seth, right at that moment, his mother, Kirsten, walked into the pool house carrying a tray with glasses filled with ice and pitcher of lemonade on it and heard only her son's words.

"Sethala Leslie Cohen!" She shouted and her son jumped, startled, and turned to face her. She didn't look happy.

"Mom," Seth whined. "Why did you have to bring out the middle name?"

Summer looked over at her boyfriend. "Leslie?" She repeated with a smile. "We're not having sex tonight." She caught herself only when Kirsten looked over at her with a look of shock. "I mean, we're _never _sex, ew!" Her face was ten different shades of red.

Ryan started laughing. "Leslie." He laughed. "No wonder you ain't getting anything." He looked over at Kirsten. "I mean, we're only sixteen so of course we're not getting anything."

Kirsten ignored Ryan's later comment and said instead, "I wouldn't be making fun, Ryan Jennifer Atwood."

Ryan's face turned as red as Summer's. Marissa looked over at her boyfriend. "Jennifer." She repeated. "How...interesting."

"I had a friend named Jennifer once." Summer piped up. "Then she got fat and...I mean, she moved." She paused. "Also, she was a girl."

Ryan tried to ignore them. "My mom really wanted a girl. Plus, she was a crack whore and happened to be stoned when she named me." He added.

Seth turned to face Kirsten. "So Mom, what's your excuse?" He questioned and Kirsten narrowed her eyes.

"Forty-eight hours of labor!" She snapped and Seth backed away from the woman. "Plus, you're lucky your father was there otherwise you'd be Leslie Seth Cohen."

Seth looked over at Ryan and mumbled to no one in particular, "Remind me to get my dad an extra special father's day gift this year."

"Like an air conditioner?" Ryan suggested under his breath.

Kirsten set the pitcher onto the table and headed for the door. Summer turned away from the door when she was sure that the woman was gone; she looked at Marissa with a mischievous smile. "Can you imagine me in bed with Seth" Seth's cheeks turned bright red, "During wild, passionate sex, screaming 'Oh Sethala Leslie'!"

Kirsten's head reappeared in the doorway. "Summer?" She questioned and the dark haired girl instantly backtracked.

"I mean...never! Ew!" Summer said. Marissa started laughing and Summer glared at her, not too pleased.

After Kirsten had gone (for certain this time, Summer made Seth get up and check), Seth looked at Summer with another hopefully sexy grin. "So, would you really call me Sethala Leslie?" He questioned. Summer didn't answer, she didn't even bother to glare at him. "Is our sex really wild and passionate?"

"Shut up Cohen."


End file.
